everytime i think about you, my heart just breaks. like really breaks.
i remember your warmth, the way you tell me nothing's my fault and you'll always understand. i really miss you, i think of you everyday, especially when i'm sad and i want to know that you're happy.
when i remember you, everything sad suddenly goes away.
this is why love is a sin.

i dont have the right to love someone anymore. i've done too many bad things to the people i love, to deserve the right to love someone. i wish you would scold me, hit me, slap me, kick me..just not be so nice to me.
or i really feel like killing myself.
i dont deserve your kindness. i'm an evil brutal person. where's my punishment?

when i missed my dinner, you hurriedly made dinner for me.
when i was tired, you stopped lesson for me.
when i failed, you helped me to get an A1.
when i was at my wits end, you pulled me up.
and this is how i repay you. i really dont deserve such kindness from you anymore.

sometimes when i'm nice to people and they're not nice to me, i get angry on the inside. what kind of person am i.
i wish some people would be nicer to me, just somehow some saint will tell them that i'm not a bad person, they should treat me nicer, etc.
i dont deserve all that. i already have so many people who love me, my sister, my parents? i deserve someone who hates me to the core, blames me, points at me.

at times like this, i just..dont know what to do. what am i doing.